i don't know what happened to my view of you. something happened, i'm not sure what. i mean, i suppose perceptions change and transform over time, but i miss how you used to look like in my eyes. i had this, not blind, but perhaps doubtless and unwavering trust and confidence in you. these days i've still got this often inexplicable, but sometimes completely rational admiration for you, but it's a lot more... edited and morphed. i've allowed my insecurities to take hold of one of the few things i had going for me. now i'm scared to like you the way i used to and confide in you as wholly. i feel like in some way you're judging me. not in the conventional way that i assume everyone else does, but just in a kelsey way. critical but sort of indifferent about it. the indifference scares me. i don't know. i just. don't. know. anymore.