there was a lot of sexual tension. at least on my part. oh my god, i just wanted to kiss her. but it was too awkward. i was aware of every single part of me; my hands, my legs, my chest, my eyes. i think i think too much. i almost didn't pay any attention to any of the words she spoke tonight. too concentrated on the physical.

we had a shot of vodka on the grass in the field. we bought cotton candy. we watched "up". our legs touched. we ran to pallay's house. you played pool really impressively. we started to walk back -- your parents were already there to pick you up. we were rushing.

"natalie--", i reached my arm out to grab the collar of her coat
she knew what i meant by that before any words left my lips
"but i, i have to go- my parents-- i " and then i held her, and she held me and we kissed
so many thoughts running through my head the entire time.
she pulled away, and said she had to go. things reverted back to talking about alejandro. ugh.
i let her have the cotton candy to take home.

she left.


i went back over to pallay's, had a beer, talked to pallay while he made me a bagel with peanut butter, got an amazing massage from drew,
i'm really too tired to keep writing

i think we were both just too tired