i don't know what to do with myself anymore.
i'm reading "guts" by chuck palahniuk, i'm looking at pictures of you, i'm listening to sad music, i'm writing up an assignment for class, i'm smiling at the thought of us being together.

...but why? i'm mad at you. i'm disgusted, i'm hurt. but yet i smile.
maybe it's because i love you. i'm in love with you.
'love' is a trivial thing, i know, i know. but isn't life too short to spend it trying to define it?
i care about you beyond any imaginable doubt, i am always yearning to be in your presence, i have (strong) sexual feelings towards you, i understand your flaws and i don't judge you for them, i find you terribly interesting and fear not for a period where you may seem boring to me. you're always on my mind.
aren't these tell-tale signs? i don't really know for sure, but i think so.

i'm scared.
i just want you so much, but i think this is the end. i'm not so sure...
either way, we're going to cross paths.
i just don't want the feelings to fade. no. not yet.
i'm making out with you at the next party, regardless of who else you get with or whether you even want to kiss me back.
that's the extremity of my desire, my hatred for you. it's all so complicated.

i'm hungry for you. i want to rip you open and eat you up.