I know you want me, you know I want'cha...

last night, when i got home. happy - not sad. notice?!

this morning, when i woke up. hungover - notice?! haha.

Honestly, I'm having a difficult time deciding whether last night was the best party ever, or the worst. Because for some reason I feel like shit right now, but when I think back to last night, I was having so much fun! So I don't really know.

...I don't think I've ever been so drunk before. At least not proper drunk. I think this could be good. I've avoided drinking too much for a while now because in the past I tended to cry? When I was too intoxicated? I dunno, it was weird. I cried at PB (although my friend was also carried away in an ambulance for drinking a whole bottle of vodka that night, so that most likely largely contributed to the crying), and I cried on prom. But on prom, another person (one who comforted me on PB when I was bawling, haha...) was taken to the hospital too, so!

ANYWAYS, my point is that last night I did not shed a single tear! :)))) HAHAH. So weird to say that! But seriously, this is a first. I mean I've been tipsy and stuff before, but I sort of prefer what ever is in between Tipsy and Excessively Drunk (i.e. inebriated enough to be reckless, but not puking or passing out all over the place).

And last night? That was achieved.

I am actually willing to give a somewhat full account of last night, which is weird because usually I never feel like bothering. Anyway, so here goes;

After some trouble trying to figure out how to make a toga, I walked over to Sean's. We loaded the Stella into the back, and his mom drove us to the other Sean's house so that we could pick him up. Let's call him Louis VIII just to help differentiate the two.

So, from there we drive to the house where the toga party is. I have never met the host in my life.

Once we get there, we see everyone standing out in the driveway. I was mildly confused. I see all the girls from Sacred coming over to say hi, and it's kind of nice because I've really started to like them since we all met this summer. Then I see N* running at me and before I realize what's going on, we're hugging. It was nice. I have to say, a lot was going through my head in that moment. But it was good to finally see her.

I guess it's only been two or three weeks since we last saw each other, but I don't think that time really counted. It was the time in between that did.

Unfortunately I think I stepped on her foot when we hugged haha, so after that I just made it awkward. Maybe I didn't actually step on her foot and instead I was just trying to find an excuse to let go... I was nervous I guess. I wish I didn't step on her foot. Or didn't fake-step on her foot. Or whatever the hell I did.

Once we got into the backyard, people immediately started drinking. N* probably started it off, hahaha... No, I don't actually know.

I spent a good hour standing around talking with Amanda, Christina and the Seans. Christina laughed at nearly everything I said. I love people like that, haha. They make you feel good!

Anyway, soon after, Brandon texted me to ask what I was up to tonight and I said I was at a toga party. He asked if he could come, ahaha! What a rude little boy, inviting himself. Whatever, I said yes. He came. Everyone knew who he was. It was weird. But nice!

Then I played Beer Pong with him on my team and we were against Semerjian and Amsden. It was like a high school reunion, haha! Our team lost.

Then I had to pee. A lot. I think most of my night was spent peeing actually.

I don't even really remember what happened next. I met a lot of fine people. Juliano, for instance. He was wearing a laurel made out of leaves off a bush. He told me he loved me on several occasions. He seemed nice. And then there was this guy named Alex, but apparently that... was not his real name. Oh. Yeah, now I don't remember his real name! He told me after he introduced himself as Alex what his real name was, but now I've forgotten! Oh well, I guess he's my mystery man now ...with whom I spoke for a total of 3 minutes so whatever... LOL. Thing of the past, thing of the past.

I also met a girl named Gaby who was vair pretty. She goes to Abbott in Sciences, but she hates her program. She remembered at the end of the night where I went and what my program was too. I felt special, haha.

Later, I met someone named Shauna, who reminded me of a slut I know named L*. Yes, I realize that's not a name. It's actually an L with an asterisk beside it, but I've decided to respect some people's privacy ...even though I have no followers on this blog :)

It's all anachronistic from this point on really. I stole Catherine's gin&something, and I downed it in record time. Then I danced around a little bit with ... I don't even remember, but I did dance!

D* finally came with R* and they had about 5 bottles of super expensive booze in their knapsacks which they apparently stole from a rich girl's party just before they got here. And then D* gave me my new and improved fake id. I remember vaguely being shocked and appalled about him bending it in half and then straightening it back out again. He was repeating the words "LEGIT! LEGIT!". Okay D*, it's a legit fake id. We get it.

I hung out with the two Seans for a good while after that. Sean D fell up some stairs at one point and I had a momentary heart attack. He always gets so sloshed at these things!

I also sat down with T* at some point, and she told me she planned to make out with someone by the end of the night. She soon after walked over to Amsden and sucked on his face for a good few minutes. I'm assuming the amount of time, because I mean, you can only watch someone kissing someone else for a while before you feel like a perverted creeper.

I had noticed N* spending a lot of time on some guy's lap, and it clicked with me later that he was probably the guy she was into that she'd told me about. The guy she decided she would stop drinking for.

I don't know how I felt about that. Mostly I just kept thinking about texting her to say "This is getting awkward", which I never did. But that was before I noticed her with that guy. I guess I just wanted to spend more time with her but I wasn't sure how.

Later, things calmed down. Some people were playing Kings in a circle in the grass, others were playing Beer Pong or eating pizza and chips. I didn't eat anything there that night.

I sat down with Kotar (whose full name I love by the way), and we talked about stuff.
Then I noticed N* looking sort of depressed, and I felt a wave of sadness come over me. I actually felt it. I know "wave of sadness" is an expression, and there's actually no wave at all, but I completely felt it. I went over to her we had a nice long hug. Nobody stepped on anybody's feet.

Then she said she had to take a walk. I offered to come, but she wanted to go alone.

I also (anachronistically) remember Amsden running around the house in record time. Did that happen?!

Anyways, it was approaching 1am and I had to round up the boyz to go home. The two Seans were sort of having a ball and ignoring my slurred pleas for them to please get a ride home with me. Brandon listened to me immediately though, and he helped me get the Seans going. Louis VIII said he was going to sleep over at R*'s instead of come with us, so I said fine. I was more worried about my Sean.

After that, I went around and said goodbye to everyone and thanked the host. I said goodbye to Taylor, and she asked me if I would text her tonight like I always do after a night out with her. She admitted she liked getting those texts from me, and that felt really nice, because I love sending them.

I vaguely recall making out a little bit with D* after that, but it was sort of like... a .. a weird goodbye kiss? Or something? Anyway I almost feel like it didn't happen and I was imagining it, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't imagine something like that out of thin air. I was actually going in to give him a hug, and he redirected my face to his, haha.

It was a bit uncomfortable because he was sticking his tongue down my throat and I'm... well I'm not used to that! God, I feel like that always happens. Whenever I go in for a kiss, it's all tongue on the other end and my mouth gets so confused! LOL.

Anyways, I hope soon that I'll be in a relationship with someone and get to experience something other than quick, furious, confused liplock (yes, I said "liplock" - I'm running out of synonyms). I want one of those soft, slow ones that make your whole body tingle and your senses become numb. I know they exist because I've imagined it so many times, and the idea itself makes me feel that way. So I know I can have it. I just have to rely less on alcohol to get what I want. I can't just wait to be intoxicated for things to happen. That's the cowardly and easy way out.

This is getting to be a really long account of my night, and I'm never going to get my homework done!

Let's wrap this up;

There was a lot of running in and out of the house to my mom's car because first we all had to go pee, and then we lost one of the togas! Mommy was mad.
Ran into T* and N* walking back from somewhere and I hugged them both again. I think hugs are my new favourite thing.

Then we drove home and we all talked shit on the way. My mom was laughing.


THE END.