Exposed and you're my weakness - I'll take this day by day.

i don't know what to say or what to do.
i'm stuck at a crossroads.
she's so amazing. i'm so lost.


i hope i can eventually experience the platonic state of self-examination and learn who it is that i am.

i need this soon.

Everybody everybody just wanna fall in love

Today was not bad at all! I think I'm sort of comfortable with everything right now. I don't miss b* as much as I usually do after long periods of time. It's weird, but good, because I need to be a little less dependent on him. LOVE IT SO FAR.

I accidentally stood up i* tonight on msn. I feel so bad. I ditched him for someone... else's... company. Was that mean? Probably, but I'm selfish. I do feel a little regretful though. I love my ersatz boyfriend/bestfriend/confidant/crush/impossibility, and I should have been there. He isn't feeling well. He's not going to choir practice tomorrow. BLESS 'IM.

Okay, I'm a leeeeettle bit hyper.
I sent him a text saying I was sending a hug to his sickbed. He replied by telling me which bus it should take and at what time. I love him! And hate him. THIS IS SO BADDDDDD.


Goodnight my babies. I know I'm vague and mysterious. Isn't it endearing somehow? xxx


p.s. today colleen said she had inappropriate thoughts about our english teacher. I AM SO SCARRED.

I've got nothing to say, I'm in utter dismay.

So this weekend has been a little bit of a bore...
I feel like my weekends are either reaaaaally action-packed and crazy or else completely void of physical/mental activity.
I don't know. I suppose it's either one of the two extremes most of the time ...which kind of blows!
It's because when I decide to commit a day to homework, I literally commit the whole day. No breaks, no eating, no peeing... it's crazy. But then I never get very much work done! So I don't really see the point in my "faux-workaholic" attitude.

Anyway, I did get most of one of my assignments done. Unfortunately I've still got to finish it, plus I have 3 chapters to read for one class, a couple of Shakespearean sonnets for another, AND another assignment! Screwed royally. I mean, if I start all of this now I won't be, but who am I kidding?

I think I might call up Ms. Hackett to see if she's available to discuss my commission piece of her kids. I'm so excited for that :)

Okay, there's nothing much else to say today. I'm not feeling very deep.
Maybe I'll give one of those point-form things of my life later so y'allz know how I'm doing ...even though I pretty much tell you how I'm doing in essay paragraph format nearly every day.
:/
shutup.

i'm tired. good-bye.
xxx

ps: night time usually yields better posts out of me. it's the time of day when i'm most emotionally disheveled.

Calvary, Calvary, surely he died on Calvary.

Hello, hello!
I am terribly exhausted! I went to bed at 4am last night and got up at 10! ...So I suppose technically I reached my usual amount of sleep (6 hours?), but they were at different times so it threw me off!

I'm supposed to be reading some Plato right now. I have a quiz on his writings straight away tomorrow morning.
Actually it's more broad than that -- I have to have read "Euthyphro", "Apology" and some other texts by Antiphon and I suppose the teacher will be checking to see if we've read.
I have no problem reading Plato (he is absolutely engrossing), but I find Antiphon to be compleeeetely boring and confusing! Hopefully the teacher won't ask too many questions on him because I quite frankly refuse to read his stuff, haha!

Anyways, today has been a blur. I don't really want to talk about it because... well I don't know why! It's just kind of boring to talk about my day :P


Oh, but the greatest part of it was that this girl in my Sacred Writings class brought sheet music and we all sang a hymn about Jesus. It was hilarious!
Also I just heard from the other room that my sister has lost her tooth. Cool. I miss being able to lose baby teeth.

So yeah... anyway, I'm slightly uninspired this afternoon. And very exhausted, as mentioned earlier.

So I'm going to take my shower now and lie in bed with Plato (UNF).


GOODNIGHT MY CHILDREN

xxx

ps: my new website HAHA

Said I'll always be your friend, took an oath and I'll stick it out 'til the end.

via

Today I got very sick in Ancient Philosophy and had to excuse myself from class. Unfortunately I stupidly tried to wait it out for over an hour before actually deciding to ask to leave. I should have left immediately when I felt ill. I don't even learn anything in that class!

Anyway, so I called my mom in a nervous panic, thinking I was going to throw up any minute or something. She called our family friend, Lauren, who lives in NDG and she hurried over to pick me up in her car. I was dying on the ride to her house, oh my god.

When we got there, I went immediately to the bathroom and enjoyed some quality time with the toilet bowl. Then asked for a glass of water. Lauren was so absolutely amazing to me. She set up her grandson's bed for me and gave me his little stuffed animal doggy to sleep with. So nice. It was terribly cold in that room, but I just felt so at ease.

When I came downstairs, she made me scrambled eggs & toast. Watermelon for dessert.
I felt so much better after that.
I feel like I should write her a card or give her a call or draw her something in thanks. I was well taken care of. Pampered, even!

And her cats left me with fur on the shins of my jeans when it was time for me to go back to class...


Now I'd love to write more but it's terribly late (as per usual), and I still have to shower up and decide what to wear tomorrow!


xxx

Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time

i hate feeling like i'm annoying. it's probably one of the worst feelings ever.
but i also happen to over-think things a lot too, so i could just be imagining this all in my head.

UGH.

This seriously feels like a.e all over again. I wrote something about this in my Moleskine this morning on the train when I was feeling shitty. Actually I wasn't really feeling shitty, I just honestly couldn't get this person off my mind... so as a result I sort of felt lonely and helpless. I hate that feeling so much.
& this is also exactly what happened with a.e when we first started talking two years ago. This exact series of emotional experiences! First nothing, then harmless curiosity, then amusement, then I begin to take interest, then I'm always thinking about them, then I feel like I'm putting them on a pedestal because I think about them more than I see them, then I'm constantly yearning for their attention and company, and then I collapse in a bout of confusion and stress-induced fatigue! ...
AHAHAHA, ohhhh lord. I hope this case doesn't escalate as badly though!
I really think I have some sort of complex.


Mostly though I'm just going through a very confusing part of my life.
Very. Confusing.

xxx

via

and i can't figure out quite how that works.