Yes hello we're back and we're taking calls. Now what was the question?

I hate school. Can't wait to get the fuck out.


good things in my life:
my variety show act is on a fucken rollllll
i'm so close to beating the shit out of Minesweeper
i have my online friends to escape to when i feel like shit and they are GEMS :)
i have a few good 'real' friends too.
i have a new moleskine. i need to break it in. everytime i think about doing so, i get really excited. but then i never do it.
we're getting 3 fucking newly renovated bathrooms. YES.


bad things in my life:
i think i just semi-witnessed a suicide today off the st john overpass.
i feel like i'm losing my very best friend.
my marks in possibly every class are going down.
my very best friend has still not replied to my text.
i feel alone.
i haven't felt truly compelled to do any sort of work in FOREVER. i'm like a dead soul or something. unconscious, uncaring; blank.

i don't know what to do.

plus i'm getting fat.

Hey, you surround me like a blanket in my bed

I hate long-distance relationships ..the online ones, I mean. They're brutal.

Espec. because most of the time you can't tell how the other person is feeling. Or else how much they think about you and miss you and care for you and all of that- well I mean I guess that's the case in regular relationships too, right?
Being able to be around a person, being able to touch them... it doesn't mean you can read their minds. I know that. I do, I do. It's just sometimes it's hard to know how much you mean to someone when you can't see their face, ya digg?
..Then again, staying up into the wee hours of the morning due to a five hour time difference almost every night of the week for a chat... that would require a certain level of caring I guess haha.
Ahhh I'm sorry, I just don't knowwwwwwwwwwwwww anymore :(
FRUSTRATION.


On the bright side, I did acquire two lovely new dresses today :)!!! Oh, prom...
Anyway so they're both brown (no clue why?! i usually go for black so it's weird), and one's definitely gonna be for Principal's Ball OR prom. The other one's probably gonna be for neither. It'll just hang in my closet and await its destiny (i.e. potential bar mitzvah, fancy occasion, dance, etc.)

Wow so I just spent a good 4 minutes searching the BCBG website to show y'allz my dresses but it's too hard! There are too many dressezZ!!111
They're nice though i promise :)
MAYBE NOT ON ME, but they are nice nonetheless!

xXxxX love

ps: i returned a copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard - of which i had two (i heart returnable gifts) - and used the money to buy my first hardcover Moleskine! WOOPEEE!! I'm scared to use it now though. It's too pretty.

You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare

you can't really see but that's my memory aid that i slaved upon last night/

well i just wasted a good 4 hours browsing the internet and playing minesweeper :)
good job sar!
k cool. 3 more exams to go.


thats how i feel right now ..except that's not how i look. please note that.
seriously, it was the best i could find when i google-searched "shoot self"
i figured searching "suicide" could be detrimental so i did the best with what i had. ok?!

loveeeeeeee


ps: wow i just published this and realized how shitty that picture looks on my nicely polished blog. fuck. oh wellllllllll.

drink up, baby, stay up all night

Hello! So my weekend is nearly over and I'm fucked for tomorrow's chem test, but otherwise, life is okay! :)
..haha, as if.
I was skiing yesterday so now every inch of my body is sore. And I've been sitting in my chair all day studying math, and I tried to get up earlier and I couldn't. Oh and now I'm onto chemistry. It's never-ending.

On the plus side, I did discover a new show called Queer As Folk! Actually, it's an old show that ended in 2005, but it's new to me so whatever :)
It's highly inappropriate and disgustingly gay, but I can't help but find it intriguing And it's not like there's no plot line or anything. It's very watchable. And not just because it's basically unofficial gay porn, ahhhaa. The story behind the show is very good and the men are gorrrrrgeous. At least Gale Harold is.
& it's been decided. I'm gonna draw him sometime.

okay back to work i think? i've really slacked off, and now i'm missing the Golden Globes! fuckerrrr

CRUNCH

i have
two tests tomorrow
skiing on saturday
studying all day on sunday (maybe a rehearsal too?)
test monday, meeting at lunch, audition after school
potentially another test on tuesday
then... wed/thurs/fri: MIDTERM EXAMSSSSSSS

i'm scared :(

i'm perscribing myself some dried mangoes and a full game of minesweeper.

ye mayn xx

BTW

remember that thing i said about me wanting to go back to school because i was all bored and suicidal and stuff?

i take it back.

midterms can go suck a fucking lemon

ELLO MAYTESS

fruitcake.

i'm doing the 365 thing where you take a picture of yourself everyday for a year. or like, a picture of something you did that day. i forgot to take a picture yesterday i just realized. now i'm fucked. why can't anything ever go right in my life?!

Shorty Wanna Be A Thug

Alright, well I finally figured out how to transfer my cellphone pictures onto my pc. I feel quite accomplished! Haha.
I daresay these past two days have been filled with more excitement than in my entire two week vacation! It's pitiful, but true. I was downtown with my friend Danielle on Friday and we went to the Andy Warhol exhibit and educated ourselves a little bit more on the iconic pop artist - who I blindly idolized, up until now. By that I mean that he's not really all that. He's just an artist who worked mostly with silkscreen and got cozy with all the celebs. I don't know what the big fuss was.
However, nonetheless I did purchase a mini print of the Campbell's soup thing. It was only one dollar! Plus tax! ...I couldn't resist.
So we walked around on St Catherine street, tried on some sailor outfits in Urban Behavior, paid a dollar to get a massage from those chairs in the Eaton Center, metroed around town... It was all around an excellent day :) Then on Saturday I had my friends Alannah and Lauren over and we went skating and watched OTH and Seven Pounds (cry). It was good tttttimes.
Now it's Sunday and we have our first day back at school tomorrow and my stomach sinks everytime I think about it.
I wanna do something productive today but at the same time I don't.
My dad finally gave me my much anticipated allowance for the last like 4852 months, so I'm once again quite comfortable in the financial department - yay.

Okay, maybe I'll draw something new. Or else just plop down on the couch and watch some OTH :)

DERRREEEEEKKKKK

HAPPY TWO FOUZAND ND NYNEE!!11

Currently listening to Bella's Lullaby on repeat. Possibly my favourite piano song ever? Okay maybe not ever, but it's definitely excellent. I succumbed to the hype of Twilight last night... I feel ashamed. I promised I wouldn't give in, because I was a die-hard fan of Harry Potter! But I was momentarily misguided! It wasn't my fault! My dad had it in the public file on my computer! It was right there in front of me! I couldn't help myself! Anyway, it's a new year so we can leave that all in the past...

So another year has gone by and I don't feel any different. Actually that's not true; I feel worse. I feel like I did nothing this year. I'm a mess. Things that I would have thought would have gone well imploded and now, if possible, I'm worse off than I was in 2007. I could've done without 2008 entirely. Okay, maybe I'm over-exaggerating. Point is, I feel like shit.

Last night was okay, despite the fact that I ditched a party to stay home with my family...
But that turned out to be okay! We stayed in, had some chinese takeout, a couple glasses of spiked cranberry juice and watched Bedtime Stories. The movie was over just in time for the annual Dick Clark New Year's countdown so we watched that; hugs and kisses all around, and then everyone went their separate ways.
I stayed up only a little bit longer, and only now have I realized that we at NO JUNK at all whatsoever. Wow. That's weird? Because my mom bought all this stuff and we had brownies and everything... and we didn't touch any of it??? Strange.
You'd think a resolution for eating less junk would now be in order in light of this discovery, but no. I'm headed for the kitchen right now to make up for last night's uncharacteristic behaviour!
LATER DAWGS. Have a happy January 1st.

I hope everyone's nights were filled with drunken debauchery and unexpected but wonderful kisses at midnight! And well, if you were like me and spent your new year's ever at home in your sweats; just know that the majority of us were! According to Ryan Seacrest, only 1% of people were actually out at parties last night! ... or something like that.