epiphany. you were the innocent one. you were the more breakable one. i fucked with that. i don't think i ever realized how harsh and dark i was when it all started, but i was. i had this low self-esteem that made me hate myself enough to think i could never possibly hurt anyone because i could never matter enough to someone to be able to wield that sort of power. every time you'd express something about your feelings for someone, i'd never assume it had anything to do with me. i'd always find a way to twist your words to make it about someone else. every song you listened to, i was never the person you were thinking about as it played. every picture that inspired you never reminded you of me, it reminded you of someone else. my feelings for you were clouded over by bitterness and jealousy, sometimes warranted, but mostly just conjured from my own imagination.

this murkiness that bubbled inside of me was lying just below the surface, not tangible, but there. it only made itself evident afterwards, and as a result i blamed it all on you. that wasn't fair at all. i feel guilty about it every second because, to see you hurt, to imagine a pained look on your face, that sinking feeling in your chest as you read my heavy words, it breaks my heart. it really does.